Sexual Dimorphism: Cider and Eggs
Sexual Dimorphism : A Theory of
Tantalisation
Eggs and Cider and and Pair Bonding
Sexual dimorphism is the condition where the two sexes of the same species exhibit different characteristics beyond the differences in their sexual organs. The condition occurs in many animals and some plants. Differences may include secondary sex characteristics, size, color, markings, and may also include behavioral differences. These differences may be subtle or exaggerated, and may be subjected to sexual selection.
There is a school of thought that says that women, at
least from an evolutionary point of view, have evolved their form specifically
for the purpose of tantalizing men.
As a species, women are of a sexual dimorphism
type. Sexual dimorphism is a term used to describe a species that
produces not a carbon copy of itself but one which
reproduces the most variety of the same kind. The fact that women may produce
such a variety means that humans can adapt rapidly and easily into an
ever changing environment and because of this dimorphism,
humanity has a better chance at survival. Women's ability to reproduce with the
greater chance of survival is supposed to secure the continuation of the
species. Tantalisation is, therefore, extremely important and extremely
insignificant, at the same time. Tantalising men is just one
small part of a five thousand piece jigsaw and
one which, once sperm banks are common place in every grocer store, will not be
noticed as missing when it gets sucked up by a ' Hoover'
It is A female that carries the future
of the world within her womb eggs and apples et al...
The fact that A
female carries the future of the world
within her womb And carries life,
death and the universe in her gut means it
is SHE that needs a surplus of energy and food not the man. I'm pontificating so excuse me my ' feminist rant' but how does The
males' contribution to this continuation of life, death and the survival of the
universe require much the same time and effort?
Some Western Men, who have philosophical pontifications to
conjecture such as
(Hi babe do ya think I'm
sexy, up the footie and mines a pint),
don't need to worry about who they have sex with? Do they?
Some women with more theoretical
and ethical abstractions on their mind ( will this lipstick stay on all
evening) have to be a little more choosy
Women, with their mind
on issues such as foodbanks and pension
contribtutions, rent, mortgages , part time and zero hour contracts, water rates,
council tax and children to feed in their belly may have a 5 times, multi
tasking, thought on their brain.
Some men appear to save time by spermiating
any female in view. I know this because I have watched A Jeremy Kyle show, read the BBC news and listened to Radio 4 'womans hour' . Beauty is in the eye of
the beholder... it appears
Word of advice!
If tantalising theory is true then surely evolution has missed a point? Surely, It is men that must tantalise the women and not vice verse. For example, Since the 1970s in western society, a females emergence out of the closet by declaring their actual existence in the universe, not just the maternity ward, kitchen and nursery school PTAs, sexual intercourse, within a heterosexual relationship, is no longer a male domain. Women, it can be argued, have become the one who chooses who, where and when...although that appears a generalisation, I am referring to the majority of women who are looking for a male partner to live their life long days out with, ( bills and food included) Men's evolutionary purpose, in this ( bills and food included) context, therefore is merely to tantalise women not vice versa? surely?
The 'experts' have a theory for this type of intercourse it is called:" Pair bonding ".
Pair 'fucking' bonding! Bills and food included is called by experts 'Pair (fucking) Bonding'!
'Pair bond/ bonding experts at evolutionary theory argue , ( Wikipedia: look it up, yes, the theory actually made Wikipedia) that : The
more favourable environment for a child to be raised in is a male female
co-habitation structure i.e. marriage or some similar hetero sexual commitment that is universally known... 'Pair, (fucking ) bonding.' No mention of structural functionalism, heterosexual
conditioning, no mention of gay men and lesbians, no mention of trans,
fluidity or LOVE! No mention of LOVE...just a mention in scientific theory paper and on Wikipedia :
Pair Bonding...
( Dawkins would be proud of these genetic theories? ) Durkheim would insist on these ( social theories )
Pair bonding A hetro- sexual dream dreamt by structural functionalists ... a male - female tantalising theory nothing more to see and hear, here...so move along the DNA line please
Pair Bonding...
( Dawkins would be proud of these genetic theories? ) Durkheim would insist on these ( social theories )
Pair bonding A hetro- sexual dream dreamt by structural functionalists ... a male - female tantalising theory nothing more to see and hear, here...so move along the DNA line please
The pair bonding, 'experts' say that for the male to be
committed to a woman her breasts must stay tantalising .
If a theory of female choosiness is valid an reliable, it must be a paradox on a hypothetical deductive theory, or the experts have got it totally wrong?
Many of these hypothetical deductive, scientific , theorists that quote evolution and society such as : " pair bonding " insist they haven't got their theory wrong so I shall continue my rant on their hypothetical deductive, pseuedo- scientific theory. If I may?
FOR EXAMPLE:
A large bust is imperative and conducive to their hypothetical scientific theory.
A sexual dimorphism mutation that states that :
Big tits = good for pair bonding. Babies are fed well. Good for baby, good for mankind
Many of these hypothetical deductive, scientific , theorists that quote evolution and society such as : " pair bonding " insist they haven't got their theory wrong so I shall continue my rant on their hypothetical deductive, pseuedo- scientific theory. If I may?
FOR EXAMPLE:
A large bust is imperative and conducive to their hypothetical scientific theory.
A sexual dimorphism mutation that states that :
Big tits = good for pair bonding. Babies are fed well. Good for baby, good for mankind
A young woman's bust
develops long before she has babies to feed, so for that reason, ' sexual
dimorphism, 'experts' argue that a bust is a deliberate flirting tool for women
to get pregnant by men . A woman's hips
develop long before a young woman carries a child and these physical functions are true and physically appear as a flirting
tool for men and a large round bottom is a prerequisite to sexual dimorphism '
If sexual dimorphism theory is true and these aspects of a female form are a prerequiste to attract a male and the continuation of these bodily parts is essential in keeping a male, then why is it that when I was pregnant and my bust grew, my bottom expanded and my hips protruded out so far that they could knock over a Double Decker bus as it drove by, did men find me physically abhorrent ?
If sexual dimorphism theory is true and these aspects of a female form are a prerequiste to attract a male and the continuation of these bodily parts is essential in keeping a male, then why is it that when I was pregnant and my bust grew, my bottom expanded and my hips protruded out so far that they could knock over a Double Decker bus as it drove by, did men find me physically abhorrent ?
Whilst I was pregnant why did these so classed erotically enticing female features make
me feel like a carnival of inadequacies, with the men's comments in
the pub I worked in, act as
the spotlight on my bearded lady features? Pregnant, I felt like a gargoyle, the type you find on castles,
made of stone. Medieval antiquities. A mythical creature from superstition from
by gone times, that invade and
illuminate your holiday sightseeing.
Gargoyle: a cosmic
phenomenon that was supposed to be
guiding humanity towards and beyond the
millennium by snarling at people from their cast concrete form, on a pillar, on a
castle. Fat and pregnant!
Be Warned! Be Warned! Gargoyles on this here
pillar do dwell!
Be aware pregnant women...do here, dwell in these places and spaces, dwell in halloween or hollowed grounds ? Intruders be aware! all non private occupants will be asked for their thoughts and for their identity when entering these here private, castle parts and grounds.
'Experience, though noon
auctoritee
Were in this world, is right y-nough for me
To speke of wo that is in mariage...'
Were in this world, is right y-nough for me
To speke of wo that is in mariage...'
Periods and pregnancy :
The day I started my periods I had been scrumping for apples. As a pregnant woman I was an intruder in that same apple garden, a female body in a private, surburban, castle ground. That day I had been out apple scrumping in
private castle grounds ( the local large suburban, house that had a garden with apple trees that backed on to the local pub) with some friends of both sexes boys and girls.
I had ran around the apple trees of the suburban garden as though I was a
medieval wench gathering food for my family to make apple tart and apple
pasties and an apple a day keeps the doctor away etc... I had
accumulated a pocket full of apples within
ten five minutes. Which, if I am honest, weighed me down a bit. Then the home owner spotted us and gave us a chase and it was really
difficult for me to run and climb the wall, for laughing. The effort to scrump apples, laugh,
climb the wall bust open the flood gates of my developing womb. As my friends pulled my legs over
the wall, to escape the pellet gun, I felt a trickle of pee down my legs and then I heard a loud scream, and dangling halfway over the wall I heard muted screams and sounds of shock and pellets. My body half arched, half crouched over the wall, in shock and awe I vaguely took in the sight of a boy
jumping from the wall and running of over the car park of the pub, waving a red hand and wailing .
I never saw him again.
I never saw him again.
That day, My other boy-friends
avoided me like the plague and I was never invited into the sport of
apple scrumping again. I was different from that day on and was banned from
apple scrumping gangs, indefinatly . Which is exactly what happened
to me as my pregnancy began to show. I had been accepted in the all blue boy gang as a young child but when I started
my periods I was excluded. In my female childhood I was equal to all blue
boys yet in my young adult
childhood, I was banned from the apple
scrumping group the moment I changed to red.
In the words of the small boys at the scene of my graduation from
childhood to adult hood :
" We can't have her here again she will germ up the cider. "
Further on, as an adult
working in the pubs, these unspoken sentiments, were
repeated . I seemed to be consistantly: " Germing up the cider "
Though none of us actually made cider, we wished we could...
RULE NUMBER ONE : no one under 18 may
purchase alcohol and after the birthing year of 18 the brewery sterilise the
barrels
So...The mystical ability to germ up the cider appeared to
me on my 14th birthday. I left my
blue period and come on my red
period.
Pregnant and purple at 19.
A young purple woman, appears not a great look for men to be tantalised. Unless someone has a foot fetish ( but that's a story for another day ) So pregnant and purple I went to work in the pubs and night clubs where cider is charged for .
Pregnant and purple at 19.
A young purple woman, appears not a great look for men to be tantalised. Unless someone has a foot fetish ( but that's a story for another day ) So pregnant and purple I went to work in the pubs and night clubs where cider is charged for .
In the pubs and night clubs
men appear to like cider.
Although I had been trying to conceal my non periodic
virus ( pregnancy ) and
pretending I wasn't germing up the
cider, at work in the pubs and night clubs , for some months, the
spring weather was warming up to a hot summer and the heat was yeasting up the apples and I was brewing. I
felt like I was hissing and fitting, bubbling often sick, and one
time I went flat and passed
out .
I took to wearing baggy blouses to stop the show of the
swelling. My tip jar was often empty and my manager noticed my big apple filled, tummy, one night
when the sweat caused the uniform to cling to them like a sack bag.
" You are getting in a bad way Deborah ."
He snapped at me with a fun, wry, smile: and continued with his words of
consideration to my apple belly predictament:
" Although I am aware of feminism and have tolerated your appearance because of my sympathy to ( he looked me up and down...sizing up my yeast swelling stomach ) your cause , I will be honest with you. You are putting the customers of their cider. . . " .
" Although I am aware of feminism and have tolerated your appearance because of my sympathy to ( he looked me up and down...sizing up my yeast swelling stomach ) your cause , I will be honest with you. You are putting the customers of their cider. . . " .
" I am not ill Mr. Thompson". I exclaimed as I placed one hand on my swollen stomach and the other
across my mouth.
Mr Thompson stopped my silence with: " Maybe you don't think you are but you've been looking
pretty peaky lately". He replied as he watched me squirm under his
gaze. . "You are listless and have lost your spark, you are putting on weight
you will probably feel better with a little time off .". he smiled
" Are you sacking me ? " I asked .
" Not at all , just saying... I shall pay you sick pay , of
course . "
I glanced around the bar, at all the staff there and focused on
Gavin...the portly, often drunk, on cider, barman
" But Gavin is huge and often works drunk and he is assistant
manager " I stated .
Mr. Thompson laughed " Deborah , there is a difference
between being muscular for a job and staving of a heart attack with a tot
of cider
and being well...swollen in the belly and with episodes of dizzy as you appear.
Gavin's' work is strenuous he
rolls the barrells of cider, lifts the
barrells of cider, pours the drafts of
ciders and you can' t. People, Deborah, are
intimidated by being served by a Ms. Universe . Most of our customers come here to escape their mundane
lives and they don't want to walk into pub and see their wives and mothers standing
behind the bar, PREGNANT!"
I then glanced over at Jason. My
pair bonding mate...he was serving draft cider from the newly pumped barrel.
" Does that mean that Jason must leave to ? " I asked Mr Thompson, with tears filling up firmly, in my eyes .
" Why on earth would I want to sack Jason he isn't
pregnant as well is he ? "
" But Jason is the father, the pair bonder! . .. "
Mr Thompson dismissed my statement with a flick of his palm and
added:
" There can be no comparison . Wait, while I calculate what your cash is . This
is really inconvenient of you Deborah. " he mused. He then put his palm on
his chin and in contemplation remarked :
" If Jason will take on extra shifts then I should be able to cope until I bring another girl in .
"
Then he strolled of, leaving me behind the lever of the draught
cider and with five customers all asking for a drink of it.
Mr Thompson returned ten minutes later and declared
: " It's all sorted Deborah..."
I never went back to work at that pub or any night club again.
That night at about 2.36
am , Jason, Taking on his pair bonding mode, hugged me and whispered:
" I love you
even if you have bloated to a gigantic size. Listen, when you have had the sprog you can come back to the pub for a drink, that is if we can get you a baby sitter .
" and he kissed my cheek tenderly.
Mr. Thompson kept his promise and gave Jason the extra shifts. I was left on my own most nights
after that eating shreddies and staring at the wall. Even on the nights that
Jason was not working he was often off to some party or a similar ritual where
he would get really drunk and wake me at three in the morning to declare
his love for me. I used to ask him if I could go to but after numerous
examples of his excuses I gave up asking
.
These are some of the reasons that
Jason gave as to why I couldn't go
out.. .
A ) I would probably be sick
B ) I might Pass out
C ) I might go into labour
and embarrass us by bleeding all over the furniture .
" Besides " he would say with his nose crinkled "
It would ruin any event for everyone and that would be selfish . What do you
think of this great new Jacket? "
I spent more and more time alone at home ' pair bonding'
My mother was delighted because it meant an extra hand in helping
out with the housework and shopping at
hers.
Infact, it was when I was
out shopping alone one day that
'pair bonding' took a turn . I
had been stocking up on my rapidly diminishing supply of boxes of 'shreddies' when I became third party to a conversation. I overheard a conversation with two, what appeared to be
eighty year old women, in the local grocery. I'm guessing their age to be
honest. Make up taken into account.
Anyway one said to the other..
Anyway one said to the other..
" Of course " If I asked our Frank to do that now he would
have a fit . "
" Why is that asked the other ? "
" Well one year when I was carrying our Mick I woke up to an
excruciating pain. I shouted between the walls to our neighbour to fetch
the doctor. She didn't hear me so I
dragged me and the belly next door
and banged on her windows. That woke her
up. She answered the door and said :
" what the fuck ! and at that moment I felt the old heave ho . I shouted forget the doctor the veggie knife will have to do. There it was, our Mick hanging between my legs down on her door step.. . Oh how we laughed. " she said
" what the fuck ! and at that moment I felt the old heave ho . I shouted forget the doctor the veggie knife will have to do. There it was, our Mick hanging between my legs down on her door step.. . Oh how we laughed. " she said
Laugh! Bloody Laugh! I was mortified at hearing this! I stood
rooted to the spot . I stared at my
preggy belly. I never realised it was so easy to have a baby. I left the
grocery shop with a dozen eggs and a
litre of cider. I ate the eggs and drank the lot of cider when I got home , boiled and fizzy .
That evening Jason my 'pair bonder', visited he was weighted down with, his old baby grows , his
booties and a crib. As he was leaving I asked him to pop in later with some
cigarettes for me and I stressed that they at least should be new ones .
Jason took offense "You ungrateful cow I don't have much
money as it is and when I get some stuff for you and the baby all I get
is snidey shit.
As I was about to apologise, I burped
" God , What is that smell " he yelled as he waved his
hands frantically in front of his nose .
" What smell " I feigned .
" That eggy, cider smell
"
" That ? I responded. " I have been trying to unblock the drain . "
.
There are many hideous aspects to the tantalizing ' sexual dimorphism evolutionary joke .
Cider and apples are one
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